It's been a really long time since I last draft anything at least for my blog here. For this semester, I have to maintain another blog under WordPress for assignment purposes. And boy I kid you not, year 3 is really to joke with.
Entering year 3 is like having a roller coaster, with monsters chasing you from behind trying to eat your brains off. Piles and piles of assignment were assigned, with most of them we have yet to complete for the time being. At the same time, format of the assignment has obviously level-ed up, well, just because we are year 3 now.
Currently in the midst of having all three assignments to be completed within the next few days. Usually I don't really cry, unless its triggered by some onion-cutting scene in the cinema, which I think the last time it really happened was when I watched Train to Busan. But today, I actually teared off under the least expected circumstance- when I heard the song Too Good to be True by Lauryn Hill. My eyes just turned watery, my hands trembling, and I teared for a bit.
I'm sorry for having to put all my rants sometimes here. I know it might seem a little annoying to my readers, if there is any left after the lack of updates for too long. But I truly can't find someone to talk to. I didn't want to worry my parents, my friends would have comforted in the wrong way, ranting on Facebook is like stripping naked for everyone to see your scar.
I find writing to be therapeutic and soothing, hence all the reason I am here.
And yes, I don't feel good at the moment. For all the accumulated stress, and the repressed emotions that I have been hiding from everyone.
Not sure if being trained to have a logical mind, with the ability to see far-sighted is a blessing or a curse to me. Sometimes I felt I couldn't connect with the people of the same age, because I find them childish with their liking to act on impulse. I couldn't explain the consequences of their certain action to them because they won't be able to view and evaluate it. So what's the point of doing so?
I didn't really like having to interact with humans much, because I find them all terrible and difficult to deal with. I've been avoiding situations if I could, and I couldn't then I'll just forge a smile and the cheerful me. Some call me pessimistic, I call myself realistic.
I'm so tired of this world full of humans with bad habits and with all the twisted values, especially on their selfish behaviour. I couldn't stand it, I just can't.
I am tired. Of having to accommodate myself to maintain harmony. I could be a bitch, but that's not me either. I am tired, really tired. Tired.
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
7/7//2016
Was in the midst of going through Google Images for assignment purpose but I got bored, and am out of motivation to scroll again. So here I am before my two eyeballs pop out due to lethargy.
I've fallen sick finally, which you might question why finally? Well... I had this sore dry throat for almost a week. It wasn't exactly the painful type of sore throat but it's just there aching at times. So I couldn't really claim that I am sick... And two days ago I started having heavy headness, and been sneezing for more than two times in a day. Usually I would sneeze twice everyday, like a usual routine; so whenever it's more than three times I would know that I'm gonna be sick soon.
And yeah, now I'm busy wrapping mucous-filled wantons. Fancy some?
Upon witnessing one of my friend trapped in friendship issues kinda reminds me of what I have been through when I was back in high school. I was labelled as being a huge pessimist towards this world when it comes to friends; which I admit I am... explains much about the lack of network I have lol probably.
I wouldn't claim that I have been through a lot that would enable me to be above others of the same age; but I have been through several that have forced me to be more mature and realistically view friendships.
Friends come and go in your life as no one is meant to stay with you forever, with a few exceptional ones of course. If you happen to come across one, just one friend, whom you can call soul mate, congratulations. If you don't, don't worry as it is very normal to be that way. I have found one at least, though we don't Skype or message one another every day, yet I still feel very much connected with her. If you happen to find that your path are diverging away from the friends whom you once felt very much connected with, embrace them and thank them for the good memories. Then move on with your life.
Confrontation sessions with friends... What's your view with regards to it? Some feel that it is a good communication process among friends so that they know what the others are thinking, some think it is definitely a bad idea as scars will be there always and forever once such confrontations are held. In my opinion, confrontations are one of the worst thing that could possibly happen in a friendship as I stand with the latter point of view. There are some things that will remain unchanged even though confrontation was held. Words were out, scars are there, but people stay who they are. Though there are people who might disagree with me, but... that's technically how I view confrontations.
I genuinely hope that my friend would be able find the answer to her question soon.
I've fallen sick finally, which you might question why finally? Well... I had this sore dry throat for almost a week. It wasn't exactly the painful type of sore throat but it's just there aching at times. So I couldn't really claim that I am sick... And two days ago I started having heavy headness, and been sneezing for more than two times in a day. Usually I would sneeze twice everyday, like a usual routine; so whenever it's more than three times I would know that I'm gonna be sick soon.
And yeah, now I'm busy wrapping mucous-filled wantons. Fancy some?
Upon witnessing one of my friend trapped in friendship issues kinda reminds me of what I have been through when I was back in high school. I was labelled as being a huge pessimist towards this world when it comes to friends; which I admit I am... explains much about the lack of network I have lol probably.
I wouldn't claim that I have been through a lot that would enable me to be above others of the same age; but I have been through several that have forced me to be more mature and realistically view friendships.
Friends come and go in your life as no one is meant to stay with you forever, with a few exceptional ones of course. If you happen to come across one, just one friend, whom you can call soul mate, congratulations. If you don't, don't worry as it is very normal to be that way. I have found one at least, though we don't Skype or message one another every day, yet I still feel very much connected with her. If you happen to find that your path are diverging away from the friends whom you once felt very much connected with, embrace them and thank them for the good memories. Then move on with your life.
Confrontation sessions with friends... What's your view with regards to it? Some feel that it is a good communication process among friends so that they know what the others are thinking, some think it is definitely a bad idea as scars will be there always and forever once such confrontations are held. In my opinion, confrontations are one of the worst thing that could possibly happen in a friendship as I stand with the latter point of view. There are some things that will remain unchanged even though confrontation was held. Words were out, scars are there, but people stay who they are. Though there are people who might disagree with me, but... that's technically how I view confrontations.
I genuinely hope that my friend would be able find the answer to her question soon.
Monday, June 6, 2016
6/6/2016
Finally some words to clear off the dust that has been accumulating for the lack of updates over the past two months.
I had a good semester break after the exam, clearing my mind off some dilemmas and problems that have been circulating in my mind throughout the period. Because here comes the period where I question my own self worth and existence and as well as the value of friendship. I feel bad bout myself at some period of time in my life, and there comes my friends who would come and brain wash me for a better suetnee's well being.
Well, finding out that your ex has moved on within a very short period of time is actually something to digest tbh. I think I handled it pretty well upon knowing it, no tears shed nor any emo self; except for the question that am I so easily replaceable? But then I realized that it is not even a question in the first place. Someone who wouldn't value me doesn't deserved to be valued by me in return. I'll just take it as a good love lesson to take and I hope this will add on to my experience on how I will be a better partner in the next relationship. It's no use forcing either.
Having to talk with one of my hengdai today made me realize how much I need to learn in order to deal with all the uncertainties of human nature out there. Tolerance and seeing people as they are are both stuffs I need to brush up on. And I'm glad that I've spoken bout that topic, and I gained so many insights. Despite speaking to so many friends, yet the hengdai's advice came in most handy to me.
Never knew my very first few English songs were actually from Bee Gees, till I'm on autoplaying them mode on Youtube then I went like ooh and ahh lol. But the very first English song I learnt was How Deep is Your Love from Bee Gees as well. It was like love at first hearing when I randomly played my dad's CD back then when I was small.
I guess I should be sleeping now. Till the next post.
Suetneeeee
I had a good semester break after the exam, clearing my mind off some dilemmas and problems that have been circulating in my mind throughout the period. Because here comes the period where I question my own self worth and existence and as well as the value of friendship. I feel bad bout myself at some period of time in my life, and there comes my friends who would come and brain wash me for a better suetnee's well being.
Well, finding out that your ex has moved on within a very short period of time is actually something to digest tbh. I think I handled it pretty well upon knowing it, no tears shed nor any emo self; except for the question that am I so easily replaceable? But then I realized that it is not even a question in the first place. Someone who wouldn't value me doesn't deserved to be valued by me in return. I'll just take it as a good love lesson to take and I hope this will add on to my experience on how I will be a better partner in the next relationship. It's no use forcing either.
Having to talk with one of my hengdai today made me realize how much I need to learn in order to deal with all the uncertainties of human nature out there. Tolerance and seeing people as they are are both stuffs I need to brush up on. And I'm glad that I've spoken bout that topic, and I gained so many insights. Despite speaking to so many friends, yet the hengdai's advice came in most handy to me.
Never knew my very first few English songs were actually from Bee Gees, till I'm on autoplaying them mode on Youtube then I went like ooh and ahh lol. But the very first English song I learnt was How Deep is Your Love from Bee Gees as well. It was like love at first hearing when I randomly played my dad's CD back then when I was small.
I guess I should be sleeping now. Till the next post.
Suetneeeee
Monday, April 11, 2016
11/4/2016
Finally some time to update on my recent condition before I fight for the remaining 17 days of my semester later on.
This semester has been insanely hectic. I kid you not. Taking up 5 subjects was probably the most burning decision ever made. And this scene will repeat itself when I enter Y3S1. I've finally pulled through the craziest period of assignments where there are more than 5 deadlines to meet within 2 weeks. Nevertheless I'm glad that I'm still grasping for some air. At least.
Today I finally went back to the woods after more than half a year. So many things have changed throughout the whole track; routes were more dangerous coz the branches all are falling for unknown reasons, tracks has become narrow because the bushes have all overgrown as well. I collapsed to my bed immediately after reaching home. Legs haven't felt so sore during that half year period of time. It was tiring, but I gained my inner peace back which is a good thing. I needed that for quite some time.
This semester I've been feeling pretty down again due to certain stuffs I don't wish to mention here, and it sort of drew me into a dilemma. Great dilemma still. But I hope it wears off soon. Hopefully I'll be able to find myself back after my scheduled road trip during the upcoming sem break.
I sincerely apologize if I bore you readers with the repetitive blog post with regards to my studies, less cohesion between paragraphs and etc. I'll come up with informational or opinion based blogpost after I'm done with the remaining 17 days.
Till then,
suetneeeee
This semester has been insanely hectic. I kid you not. Taking up 5 subjects was probably the most burning decision ever made. And this scene will repeat itself when I enter Y3S1. I've finally pulled through the craziest period of assignments where there are more than 5 deadlines to meet within 2 weeks. Nevertheless I'm glad that I'm still grasping for some air. At least.
Today I finally went back to the woods after more than half a year. So many things have changed throughout the whole track; routes were more dangerous coz the branches all are falling for unknown reasons, tracks has become narrow because the bushes have all overgrown as well. I collapsed to my bed immediately after reaching home. Legs haven't felt so sore during that half year period of time. It was tiring, but I gained my inner peace back which is a good thing. I needed that for quite some time.
This semester I've been feeling pretty down again due to certain stuffs I don't wish to mention here, and it sort of drew me into a dilemma. Great dilemma still. But I hope it wears off soon. Hopefully I'll be able to find myself back after my scheduled road trip during the upcoming sem break.
I sincerely apologize if I bore you readers with the repetitive blog post with regards to my studies, less cohesion between paragraphs and etc. I'll come up with informational or opinion based blogpost after I'm done with the remaining 17 days.
Till then,
suetneeeee
Monday, February 22, 2016
22/2/2016
At this current moment, I am not feeling very good. I’m
feeling like a piece of mud to be honest.
Somehow I feel all this negativity surrounding me, I have no
motivation to study. I have no idea how to overcome this down feeling.
Everything seems so blue.
Probably it is the time of the month again.
I got stressed up, bit by bit. And this is definitely not a
good sign for me to pull through the remaining weeks.
I find no suitable people to tell bout my current feelings.
So I choose to write it out.
I technically have no words to say anymore. I’m gonna go
drown in my pool of blueness.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
2/10/16
Here I am again, for unknown reasons. Somehow I just felt like I need to come here to start warming up for my typing and thinking flow lol, for assignments sake.
Today has been the third day of CNY, and finally I've managed to laze abit here and there. Man I've gotta tell you that is probably the best feelings ever. However at the back of my brain there's this reminder to tell me to better start my assignments now or else I'll cry at the end of the due date.
First and second day has been the pretty much usual cooking and visiting my relatives at Klang. Since I've got no hometown to go back to, nor I have a huge family with 10 uncles or 10 aunties; therefore each year is just pretty much the same. Stuck in the house awaiting for people to bump into our house.
My phone's been playing the same songs over and over again. I think it's only me who finds it hard to dig a nice song that doesn't get on my nerves each time I listen to it. Btw, my definition for a good song would be first the catchy-ness, then the singer, then I'll replay it non stop for 3 days or even more depending on my preference for that song. If I don't get bored of it, then that will be a good song.
Hmm I think it's already two months since the break up with him. I don't deny the fact that there were times where I'll be reminded of him whenever I go to places where I once used to hang out with him at. I think I've moved on pretty well, and I hope he is doing the same thing too. If you ask me whether I will feel sad when he has found a new girlfriend, my answer would be yes and no. Yes of course anyone would feel down for a bit because there's now someone to replace and perhaps do better job as being his partner. And no, is because I know that everything is over and there is no more turning back. Since there's no turning back, I might as well wish him and his partner all the best, they got my blessing hahah
I am no longer trapped with all the flashback memories, and I'm moving on pretty well. Even better than I've expected. I would be more cautious with my choice and my decisions for all these stuffs. I'll just hope and wait for a better HIM in future :)
Alright I'll quickly end my sentence because there's this human whom I've sort of promised to wake up early tomorrow and virtually study together. I shall now go crash.
signing off,
suetneeeee
Today has been the third day of CNY, and finally I've managed to laze abit here and there. Man I've gotta tell you that is probably the best feelings ever. However at the back of my brain there's this reminder to tell me to better start my assignments now or else I'll cry at the end of the due date.
First and second day has been the pretty much usual cooking and visiting my relatives at Klang. Since I've got no hometown to go back to, nor I have a huge family with 10 uncles or 10 aunties; therefore each year is just pretty much the same. Stuck in the house awaiting for people to bump into our house.
My phone's been playing the same songs over and over again. I think it's only me who finds it hard to dig a nice song that doesn't get on my nerves each time I listen to it. Btw, my definition for a good song would be first the catchy-ness, then the singer, then I'll replay it non stop for 3 days or even more depending on my preference for that song. If I don't get bored of it, then that will be a good song.
Hmm I think it's already two months since the break up with him. I don't deny the fact that there were times where I'll be reminded of him whenever I go to places where I once used to hang out with him at. I think I've moved on pretty well, and I hope he is doing the same thing too. If you ask me whether I will feel sad when he has found a new girlfriend, my answer would be yes and no. Yes of course anyone would feel down for a bit because there's now someone to replace and perhaps do better job as being his partner. And no, is because I know that everything is over and there is no more turning back. Since there's no turning back, I might as well wish him and his partner all the best, they got my blessing hahah
I am no longer trapped with all the flashback memories, and I'm moving on pretty well. Even better than I've expected. I would be more cautious with my choice and my decisions for all these stuffs. I'll just hope and wait for a better HIM in future :)
Alright I'll quickly end my sentence because there's this human whom I've sort of promised to wake up early tomorrow and virtually study together. I shall now go crash.
signing off,
suetneeeee
Monday, February 8, 2016
8/2/2016
If you had realized, I had different dates format as my title each time coz I don't remember how I wrote in the previous post's title lol. Sometimes it appears as 8/2/16, sometimes 08/02/2016, sometimes 8/2/2016. But OCD humans please bear with me hahah, I didn't really bother bout making it all standardized.
So my first month of the year went off just like this, and now its the second week of February. Don't think that I've accomplished much, but there's still a very long way to go.
Since I've got this perception that no one really reads my blog anyway so it's a good medium for me to communicate with those who do, and for myself since I prefer writing over speaking bout certain stuffs; I'm gonna share my own experience with the website I've found through Google today.
Okay so here's a brief intro to how I happened to stumble to this website which is pretty useful yet pretty damaging for some individuals:
I was searching for some online language courses/language centres for me to learn Korean because I'm planning to travel there by the next winter. Then I was typing in the search box for related terms like "online language course Korean" "Korean classes in KL" "Korean classes in Selangor" and etc., then somehow Google brought me to this language exchange website. And I was like "wow. okay. cool. Really cool" I signed up, filled up necessary details and I was searching for individuals who is willing to teach me Korean, and in exchange I will teach them English/Chinese/Malay/Cantonese. That's the whole purpose of the website: to promote language exchange easily among individuals no matter where they are.
However as much as it sounds like a very useful and cool concept. There are also flaws to it (as usual). I've happened to encounter lots of guys who happens to want a casual chat with ladies and when they've found out that you can't speak Korean at all, they gave up communicating with you. Not a very good learning attitude to me, because I don't mind waiting for explanations and to simplify my English to match their level. But somehow.... yeeah you know.
The possibility of me encountering someone who is serious in exchanging language would be around 1/20? Relatively difficult but somehow yeah I've known someone who is really keen in learning, even more keen than me. So I count myself lucky for this. Of course I was also approached by lots of guys more than females? I would say this was because with the help of profile picture on my Language Exchange profile lol, and that humans still fall for physical appearances eventually.
Overall I would say this is a pretty good experience for me. And also for me to learn to socialize virtually. I will be attaching the link for those who are also keen in learning new language but didn't have much time to attend classes like I do. However bear in mind that you must be clear of what is your initial intention for signing up on the website. And you will need to keep reminding yourself your main purpose of doing so. It is a very good way to meet people. But beware of the wolves lurking behind the pc screens.
Those of you who needs it:
www.mylanguageexchange.com
And btw, Happy Chinese New Year! :)
Signing off,
suetneeeee
So my first month of the year went off just like this, and now its the second week of February. Don't think that I've accomplished much, but there's still a very long way to go.
Since I've got this perception that no one really reads my blog anyway so it's a good medium for me to communicate with those who do, and for myself since I prefer writing over speaking bout certain stuffs; I'm gonna share my own experience with the website I've found through Google today.
Okay so here's a brief intro to how I happened to stumble to this website which is pretty useful yet pretty damaging for some individuals:
I was searching for some online language courses/language centres for me to learn Korean because I'm planning to travel there by the next winter. Then I was typing in the search box for related terms like "online language course Korean" "Korean classes in KL" "Korean classes in Selangor" and etc., then somehow Google brought me to this language exchange website. And I was like "wow. okay. cool. Really cool" I signed up, filled up necessary details and I was searching for individuals who is willing to teach me Korean, and in exchange I will teach them English/Chinese/Malay/Cantonese. That's the whole purpose of the website: to promote language exchange easily among individuals no matter where they are.
However as much as it sounds like a very useful and cool concept. There are also flaws to it (as usual). I've happened to encounter lots of guys who happens to want a casual chat with ladies and when they've found out that you can't speak Korean at all, they gave up communicating with you. Not a very good learning attitude to me, because I don't mind waiting for explanations and to simplify my English to match their level. But somehow.... yeeah you know.
The possibility of me encountering someone who is serious in exchanging language would be around 1/20? Relatively difficult but somehow yeah I've known someone who is really keen in learning, even more keen than me. So I count myself lucky for this. Of course I was also approached by lots of guys more than females? I would say this was because with the help of profile picture on my Language Exchange profile lol, and that humans still fall for physical appearances eventually.
Overall I would say this is a pretty good experience for me. And also for me to learn to socialize virtually. I will be attaching the link for those who are also keen in learning new language but didn't have much time to attend classes like I do. However bear in mind that you must be clear of what is your initial intention for signing up on the website. And you will need to keep reminding yourself your main purpose of doing so. It is a very good way to meet people. But beware of the wolves lurking behind the pc screens.
Those of you who needs it:
www.mylanguageexchange.com
And btw, Happy Chinese New Year! :)
Signing off,
suetneeeee
Monday, January 18, 2016
2016.
It's already 18 days past the new year. Yet it feels as though it's the mid year period.
Managed to pull through the most stressful week 1 of the semester, where all the online competitions of speed clicking and internet speed were carried out simultaneously throughout the week. Just to fight for the desired slot for tutorials and the community service event.
Previously I was wondering if the phase I'm going through right now was actually normal, it's where you feel like the passion that you once had towards your major now has deteriorated so badly that you can't even. You don't feel like studying or moving, and felt as though you're going no where with your current situation. But after talking to V he said that it is definitely normal, because I'm at the hump semester of my hump year. The initial excitement during year 1 has faded, and now I'm stuck literally in the middle of the whole course. Sem 2 Year 2. But he said that such feelings will be gone soon so one less thing to worry about.
So far so good for these 18 days. I don't really believe in new year resolution tbh. Because I think that if you want to make a change in your life, you don't need to wait another new year to do it. You can start the changes immediately, waiting for new year is like allowing yourself to slack off for some time. So yeah new year resolution I don't have any.
Soon before this year's CNY I'll have my first transformational changes to my physical appearance. Heh can't wait but still I haven't gather all my balls to face it :X
Now... I'm gonna go do house chores so till the next update hue
Signing off,
suetneeeee
Managed to pull through the most stressful week 1 of the semester, where all the online competitions of speed clicking and internet speed were carried out simultaneously throughout the week. Just to fight for the desired slot for tutorials and the community service event.
Previously I was wondering if the phase I'm going through right now was actually normal, it's where you feel like the passion that you once had towards your major now has deteriorated so badly that you can't even. You don't feel like studying or moving, and felt as though you're going no where with your current situation. But after talking to V he said that it is definitely normal, because I'm at the hump semester of my hump year. The initial excitement during year 1 has faded, and now I'm stuck literally in the middle of the whole course. Sem 2 Year 2. But he said that such feelings will be gone soon so one less thing to worry about.
So far so good for these 18 days. I don't really believe in new year resolution tbh. Because I think that if you want to make a change in your life, you don't need to wait another new year to do it. You can start the changes immediately, waiting for new year is like allowing yourself to slack off for some time. So yeah new year resolution I don't have any.
Soon before this year's CNY I'll have my first transformational changes to my physical appearance. Heh can't wait but still I haven't gather all my balls to face it :X
Now... I'm gonna go do house chores so till the next update hue
Signing off,
suetneeeee
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