22/10/2016

It's been a really long time since I last draft anything at least for my blog here. For this semester, I have to maintain another blog under WordPress for assignment purposes. And boy I kid you not, year 3 is really to joke with.

Entering year 3 is like having a roller coaster, with monsters chasing you from behind trying to eat your brains off. Piles and piles of assignment were assigned, with most of them we have yet to complete for the time being. At the same time, format of the assignment has obviously level-ed up, well, just because we are year 3 now.

Currently in the midst of having all three assignments to be completed within the next few days. Usually I don't really cry, unless its triggered by some onion-cutting scene in the cinema, which I think the last time it really happened was when I watched Train to Busan. But today, I actually teared off under the least expected circumstance- when I heard the song Too Good to be True by Lauryn Hill. My eyes just turned watery, my hands trembling, and I teared for a bit.

I'm sorry for having to put all my rants sometimes here. I know it might seem a little annoying to my readers, if there is any left after the lack of updates for too long. But I truly can't find someone to talk to. I didn't want to worry my parents, my friends would have comforted in the wrong way, ranting on Facebook is like stripping naked for everyone to see your scar.

I find writing to be therapeutic and soothing, hence all the reason I am here.

And yes, I don't feel good at the moment. For all the accumulated stress, and the repressed emotions that I have been hiding from everyone.

Not sure if being trained to have a logical mind, with the ability to see far-sighted is a blessing or a curse to me. Sometimes I felt I couldn't connect with the people of the same age, because I find them childish with their liking to act on impulse. I couldn't explain the consequences of their certain action to them because they won't be able to view and evaluate it. So what's the point of doing so?

I didn't really like having to interact with humans much, because I find them all terrible and difficult to deal with. I've been avoiding situations if I could, and I couldn't then I'll just forge a smile and the cheerful me. Some call me pessimistic, I call myself realistic.

I'm so tired of this world full of humans with bad habits and with all the twisted values, especially on their selfish behaviour. I couldn't stand it, I just can't.

I am tired. Of having to accommodate myself to maintain harmony. I could be a bitch, but that's not me either. I am tired, really tired. Tired.

7/7//2016

Was in the midst of going through Google Images for assignment purpose but I got bored, and am out of motivation to scroll again. So here I am before my two eyeballs pop out due to lethargy.

I've fallen sick finally, which you might question why finally? Well... I had this sore dry throat for almost a week. It wasn't exactly the painful type of sore throat but it's just there aching at times. So I couldn't really claim that I am sick... And two days ago I started having heavy headness, and been sneezing for more than two times in a day. Usually I would sneeze twice everyday, like a usual routine; so whenever it's more than three times I would know that I'm gonna be sick soon.

And yeah, now I'm busy wrapping mucous-filled wantons. Fancy some?

Upon witnessing one of my friend trapped in friendship issues kinda reminds me of what I have been through when I was back in high school. I was labelled as being a huge pessimist towards this world when it comes to friends; which I admit I am... explains much about the lack of network I have lol probably.

I wouldn't claim that I have been through a lot that would enable me to be above others of the same age; but I have been through several that have forced me to be more mature and realistically view friendships.

Friends come and go in your life as no one is meant to stay with you forever, with a few exceptional ones of course. If you happen to come across one, just one friend, whom you can call soul mate, congratulations. If you don't, don't worry as it is very normal to be that way. I have found one at least, though we don't Skype or message one another every day, yet I still feel very much connected with her. If you happen to find that your path are diverging away from the friends whom you once felt very much connected with, embrace them and thank them for the good memories. Then move on with your life. 

Confrontation sessions with friends... What's your view with regards to it? Some feel that it is a good communication process among friends so that they know what the others are thinking, some think it is definitely a bad idea as scars will be there always and forever once such confrontations are held. In my opinion, confrontations are one of the worst thing that could possibly happen in a friendship as I stand with the latter point of view. There are some things that will remain unchanged even though confrontation was held. Words were out, scars are there, but people stay who they are. Though there are people who might disagree with me, but... that's technically how I view confrontations. 

I genuinely hope that my friend would be able find the answer to her question soon.

6/6/2016

Finally some words to clear off the dust that has been accumulating for the lack of updates over the past two months. 

I had a good semester break after the exam, clearing my mind off some dilemmas and problems that have been circulating in my mind throughout the period. Because here comes the period where I question my own self worth and existence and as well as the value of friendship. I feel bad bout myself at some period of time in my life, and there comes my friends who would come and brain wash me for a better suetnee's well being.

Well, finding out that your ex has moved on within a very short period of time is actually something to digest tbh. I think I handled it pretty well upon knowing it, no tears shed nor any emo self; except for the question that am I so easily replaceable? But then I realized that it is not even a question in the first place. Someone who wouldn't value me doesn't deserved to be valued by me in return. I'll just take it as a good love lesson to take and I hope this will add on to my experience on how I will be a better partner in the next relationship. It's no use forcing either.

Having to talk with one of my hengdai today made me realize how much I need to learn in order to deal with all the uncertainties of human nature out there. Tolerance and seeing people as they are are both stuffs I need to brush up on. And I'm glad that I've spoken bout that topic, and I gained so many insights. Despite speaking to so many friends, yet the hengdai's advice came in most handy to me.

Never knew my very first few English songs were actually from Bee Gees, till I'm on autoplaying them mode on Youtube then I went like ooh and ahh lol. But the very first English song I learnt was How Deep is Your Love from Bee Gees as well. It was like love at first hearing when I randomly played my dad's CD back then when I was small.

I guess I should be sleeping now. Till the next post.

Suetneeeee

11/4/2016

Finally some time to update on my recent condition before I fight for the remaining 17 days of my semester later on.

This semester has been insanely hectic. I kid you not. Taking up 5 subjects was probably the most burning decision ever made. And this scene will repeat itself when I enter Y3S1. I've finally pulled through the craziest period of assignments where there are more than 5 deadlines to meet within 2 weeks. Nevertheless I'm glad that I'm still grasping for some air. At least.

Today I finally went back to the woods after more than half a year. So many things have changed throughout the whole track; routes were more dangerous coz the branches all are falling for unknown reasons, tracks has become narrow because the bushes have all overgrown as well. I collapsed to my bed immediately after reaching home. Legs haven't felt so sore during that half year period of time. It was tiring, but I gained my inner peace back which is a good thing. I needed that for quite some time.

This semester I've been feeling pretty down again due to certain stuffs I don't wish to mention here, and it sort of drew me into a dilemma. Great dilemma still. But I hope it wears off soon. Hopefully I'll be able to find myself back after my scheduled road trip during the upcoming sem break.

I sincerely apologize if I bore you readers with the repetitive blog post with regards to my studies, less cohesion between paragraphs and etc. I'll come up with informational or opinion based blogpost after I'm done with the remaining 17 days.

Till then,

suetneeeee

22/2/2016

At this current moment, I am not feeling very good. I’m feeling like a piece of mud to be honest.

Somehow I feel all this negativity surrounding me, I have no motivation to study. I have no idea how to overcome this down feeling. Everything seems so blue.

Probably it is the time of the month again.

I got stressed up, bit by bit. And this is definitely not a good sign for me to pull through the remaining weeks.

I find no suitable people to tell bout my current feelings. So I choose to write it out.

I technically have no words to say anymore. I’m gonna go drown in my pool of blueness.

2/10/16

Here I am again, for unknown reasons. Somehow I just felt like I need to come here to start warming up for my typing and thinking flow lol, for assignments sake.

Today has been the third day of CNY, and finally I've managed to laze abit here and there. Man I've gotta tell you that is probably the best feelings ever. However at the back of my brain there's this reminder to tell me to better start my assignments now or else I'll cry at the end of the due date.

First and second day has been the pretty much usual cooking and visiting my relatives at Klang. Since I've got no hometown to go back to, nor I have a huge family with 10 uncles or 10 aunties; therefore each year is just pretty much the same. Stuck in the house awaiting for people to bump into our house.

My phone's been playing the same songs over and over again. I think it's only me who finds it hard to dig a nice song that doesn't get on my nerves each time I listen to it. Btw, my definition for a good song would be first the catchy-ness, then the singer, then I'll replay it non stop for 3 days or even more depending on my preference for that song. If I don't get bored of it, then that will be a good song.

Hmm I think it's already two months since the break up with him. I don't deny the fact that there were times where I'll be reminded of him whenever I go to places where I once used to hang out with him at. I think I've moved on pretty well, and I hope he is doing the same thing too. If you ask me whether I will feel sad when he has found a new girlfriend, my answer would be yes and no. Yes of course anyone would feel down for a bit because there's now someone to replace and perhaps do better job as being his partner. And no, is because I know that everything is over and there is no more turning back. Since there's no turning back, I might as well wish him and his partner all the best, they got my blessing hahah

I am no longer trapped with all the flashback memories, and I'm moving on pretty well. Even better than I've expected. I would be more cautious with my choice and my decisions for all these stuffs. I'll just hope and wait for a better HIM in future :)

Alright I'll quickly end my sentence because there's this human whom I've sort of promised to wake up early tomorrow and virtually study together. I shall now go crash.

signing off,
suetneeeee

8/2/2016

If you had realized, I had different dates format as my title each time coz I don't remember how I wrote in the previous post's title lol. Sometimes it appears as 8/2/16, sometimes 08/02/2016, sometimes 8/2/2016. But OCD humans please bear with me hahah, I didn't really bother bout making it all standardized.

So my first month of the year went off just like this, and now its the second week of February. Don't think that I've accomplished much, but there's still a very long way to go.

Since I've got this perception that no one really reads my blog anyway so it's a good medium for me to communicate with those who do, and for myself since I prefer writing over speaking bout certain stuffs; I'm gonna share my own experience with the website I've found through Google today.

Okay so here's a brief intro to how I happened to stumble to this website which is pretty useful yet pretty damaging for some individuals:

I was searching for some online language courses/language centres for me to learn Korean because I'm planning to travel there by the next winter. Then I was typing in the search box for related terms like "online language course Korean" "Korean classes in KL" "Korean classes in Selangor" and etc., then somehow Google brought me to this language exchange website. And I was like "wow. okay. cool. Really cool" I signed up, filled up necessary details and I was searching for individuals who is willing to teach me Korean, and in exchange I will teach them English/Chinese/Malay/Cantonese. That's the whole purpose of the website: to promote language exchange easily among individuals no matter where they are.

However as much as it sounds like a very useful and cool concept. There are also flaws to it (as usual). I've happened to encounter lots of guys who happens to want a casual chat with ladies and when they've found out that you can't speak Korean at all, they gave up communicating with you. Not a very good learning attitude to me, because I don't mind waiting for explanations and to simplify my English to match their level. But somehow.... yeeah you know.

The possibility of me encountering someone who is serious in exchanging language would be around 1/20? Relatively difficult but somehow yeah I've known someone who is really keen in learning, even more keen than me. So I count myself lucky for this. Of course I was also approached by lots of guys more than females? I would say this was because with the help of profile picture on my Language Exchange profile lol, and that humans still fall for physical appearances eventually.

Overall I would say this is a pretty good experience for me. And also for me to learn to socialize virtually. I will be attaching the link for those who are also keen in learning new language but didn't have much time to attend classes like I do. However bear in mind that you must be clear of what is your initial intention for signing up on the website. And you will need to keep reminding yourself your main purpose of doing so. It is a very good way to meet people. But beware of the wolves lurking behind the pc screens.

Those of you who needs it:
www.mylanguageexchange.com

And btw, Happy Chinese New Year! :)

Signing off,
suetneeeee

2016.

It's already 18 days past the new year. Yet it feels as though it's the mid year period.

Managed to pull through the most stressful week 1 of the semester, where all the online competitions of speed clicking and internet speed were carried out simultaneously throughout the week. Just to fight for the desired slot for tutorials and the community service event.

Previously I was wondering if the phase I'm going through right now was actually normal, it's where you feel like the passion that you once had towards your major now has deteriorated so badly that you can't even. You don't feel like studying or moving, and felt as though you're going no where with your current situation. But after talking to V he said that it is definitely normal, because I'm at the hump semester of my hump year. The initial excitement during year 1 has faded, and now I'm stuck literally in the middle of the whole course. Sem 2 Year 2. But he said that such feelings will be gone soon so one less thing to worry about.

So far so good for these 18 days. I don't really believe in new year resolution tbh. Because I think that if you want to make a change in your life, you don't need to wait another new year to do it. You can start the changes immediately, waiting for new year is like allowing yourself to slack off for some time. So yeah new year resolution I don't have any.

Soon before this year's CNY I'll have my first transformational changes to my physical appearance. Heh can't wait but still I haven't gather all my balls to face it :X

Now... I'm gonna go do house chores so till the next update hue

Signing off,
suetneeeee

22/12/2015

Today marks the birth of a legend 20 years ago. Lol just kiddin', maybe not so much of a legend, but still a very important individual yes.

This year, today, I spent it like any other normal day would do. I'm officially leaving my teen years behind. And in another 365 days I would be swagging into the club like a boss legally.

Looking back to my birthday last year and comparing it with today, I realized that there's a lot of changes occurred. Both physically and psychologically; Physically maybe grown some fat lost some as well, still in the potato physique. Psychologically I've learn too much, not gonna list them down here first (blame it to my laziness)

But because I just touched down M'sia yesterday night 9pm-ish from a 6 days Taiwan family trip, basically what I felt the whole day is just tiredness. Since my finals ended I didn't have a proper rest. From having a short vacay with my uni mates, to going to Penang for three days with him, and to meet Lerkshie and to Taiwan for 6 days. All these happened consecutively with no breaks in between. And now finally a little time for me to indulge in the enjoyment of sleeping. Never felt so good to be in home for my birthday.

If you have wondered what happened to my last two previous post that was taken down, well it was because the both of us decided to end it under good terms. Due to difference in values and expectations towards relationships. It was the right person in the wrong time I would say. Nevertheless I'm still recovering from it. It's gonna take quite some time for me to move on completely, but at least I'm progressing bits by bits. Three days to quit the tears, prolly one year to completely let go and open up to more possibilities out there.

Changes are there, and there are more to come. I've decided to have some transformation process on my physical self. Let's see how's my face had turned into the next time I drop by this blog.

Happy Birthday to myself once again, and signing off with love,

Suetneeeee

13/9/2015

Couldn't really sleep after watching 中国好声音 so I've decided to came here to talk about some really sentimental stuffs. Midnight posts are always the best with true emotions.

Last semester was probably one of the worst period I have ever been. Although it was only a short semester of 10 weeks and two subjects to be handled, at almost the end of the semester I literally couldn't handle it anymore. And I broke down pretty badly. I wasn't in good shape during that period.

The friends I once used to pour my heart out to, were not approached by me for quite some period of time. I pretty much sucked up a lot to myself, only my parents knew about what was I really going through. When I was in high school, I am that type of person that wouldn't mind telling what was I going through and feeling at the moment, but then I realized friends come and go in your life. And it was pretty risky to tell them your periods of down because you never knew one day when both of you will slowly distant yourselves and then they are gone from your life for good. In university, I didn't dare to go around and do what I used to do with my friends unless with those whom I perceive as real friends. I still keep a lot of stuffs within me. Sounds slightly pessimistic from the usual me but if you carefully digest the words it isn't. Imo I'm merely stating the reality.

As time goes by, I've gotten pretty good with camouflaging my true self and emotions. And my threshold is sort of high, unless you have done something really terrible and I couldn't take it and that's when prolly I'll lose my temper. Even so, I wouldn't lose it in front of the public, what I'll do is just probably start distancing myself away because I knew it is time for me to move on. I do not want to be influenced any possible negativities.

I guess it is true that as you grow, it gets harder for you to make friends. Need not to mention about real friends. In university you need to distinguish who are the ones that could stimulate you to grow, and who are the ones who will stunt your growth. Because the ones who you mix around the most are best reflection of who you are and what's your personality like. You've just gotta be wise.

I am a pretty clingy sort of friend tbh, I trust people very fast and I don't mind going extra mile for my friends. Although I have this RBF (Resting Bitch Face) all the time and it scares away quite a lot of people, but deep down I'm another person you wouldn't realize if you haven't gotten close enough with me. The way I act in front of my high school bunch and my university bunch are completely two different persona.

Also I came to the realization that as I age, I've became someone who enjoys the quiet and serenity side of things. I no longer want to be with a crowd, I want to be alone the whole day if possible. I no longer crave to hang out outside, I want to be alone in places where I can enjoy peace and silence. I've started going to cinemas alone, cafes alone, McD alone, shop alone at malls and etc. This has been going for quite some time and often I was asked didn't I felt lonely because I did not have friends with me? Truth is now I prefer silence over noise, and I feel at peace when I am alone. Talk only when necessary. Crap less, do more.

I don't deny the fact there were times I wish there were someone who would accompany me to watch movies of my favourite genres, to go explore cafes with real good food, to explore new places on a roadtrip. But at the same time I have yet to meet the right person where we both share the same values and with great personality. All that is required is just similar values and with good characters, nothing more than that. I guess I'll just patiently wait for the right one.

Prolly I craved for that too much that I actually dreamt of it. Believe it or not lol, last night I dreamt of my "boyfriend" and I going for a getaway on some mountains wtf. And some naked uncle ran up the mountains double wtf. Slightly disappointing because I didn't get to see my boyfriend's face. Prolly some dryness alert God has given to me wtf. I always have lots of weird dreams trust me, I could write a whole book bout it and you could laugh like there's no tomorrow.

Alright enough of weird topics jumping here and there. Now that I am feeling slightly sleepy I think it's time for me to head for bed. Till the next post.

Signing off,
suetneeeee

9/1/2015

First day of September. Hmmm, seems like another year will be gone very soon by the time we realize it.

Let's talk bout some of the things that happened since the last post. In the last blog post I've written about the failures and some of the not-so-fortunate things that had happened to me. After that I've had a month of semester break, which I think was one of the most fruitful semester break I ever had. Not a single day was wasted because I had some sudden decisions made to be accomplished during the break. I.e: revamp my room, had two short getaways with my mum and Sharon each and etc. It was pretty hectic to be honest, for example I had to fly to Penang one day after I had my trip to Vietnam with my mum. With the one day in between I had to fulfill my scholarship duty at HELP International School. I crashed for 2 days after I came back from Penang.

I revamped my whole room. still a bit here and there that needed to be done. And I found lots of stuffs (CNY cards & letters from friends) that I've kept since Form 1. I think that it is time for me to move on, I read them for one last time, and I disposed them. I will always remember my friends' effort to send me CNY cards as I did when we were back in high school. Not sure why but when I dispose most of the stuffs I know I won't be using anymore, I felt as though the burden in me has lessened as well. The space that I've cleared up, is now ready to store current and future memories. Until I felt that it's the time to move on and the cycle starts again.

Not sure if those who haven't seen me for like the past 9 months know bout it. But I've actually cut my hair into the lob (long bob) length, and dyed into some sort of friend-thinks-its-lala-type of hair colour. I started dyeing my hair since last year August, and then I've dyed around 4 times up till now. My hairdresser banned me from dyeing again until next year CNY...err so I guess I have to live with the ugly roots till next year>?

Year Two Sem One has officially started one week ago. And this sem has got tonnes of group assignments, which isn't really in my favour. I still prefer individual assignments thou. It's gonna be challenging, but I will take it as another new challenge to buff myself up for future work preparations.

Okay so here comes the bonus for this blog post, coz I am lazy to transfer pictures from my phone each time (which surprisingly I did this time). So here you go!

This is me, taken few days ago.  My hair colour is actually a mixture of gold-ish brown on the scalp part, then dark brown as transition. And inner part is glaring red. Disclaimer: NO photoshop done on my face nor my chin.

This is all taken in Vietnam Ho Chi Minh city. As you can see my mum and I self-explored the city from the sampan riding at Mekong river, Ben Thanh Market, Cathedral, Musuem, Hawker Life and etc.

Penang was more like a sight-seeing and eating trip. We ate like more than 3 bowls of Asam Laksa within our 3 days stay there. Walked for one plus hour to locate Macallum Connoisseur Cafe. We went for lots of cafe hop and trying out their cakes. 

Till the next post.


Signing off,
suetneeeee

13.7.15

Howdy, I just realized that my last blog post was from last semester ago, in April. And now it's July>? 

Alright so back to my recent updates, it has been an extremely hectic short semester. Imagine all the things you learn in 14 weeks are now squashed into 7 weeks. Yet the assignment loads and the study materials remain the same. I survived another semester in HELP, and there goes my first year as a Psychology student.

Lots of things happened unexpectedly for me as well this semester. E.g: Losing my phone the first day of semester, slipped at the parking lot at MV the same day, got my car scratched by other car... But I'm glad that's all over now. Undoubtedly all those incidents left some impact on me, but I'm trying hard to overcome them now.

I'm generally a very ambitious person, and I set my own standards extremely high. When I don't seem to achieve what I've set, I feel sad and disappointed with myself. Thinking I didn't do well enough. Thinking on the various ways I could have possibly done in the future to ensure that I really achieve them. Well, it seems like the more you expect, the greater the disappointment. But what's left in one when they stop expecting? There's no more hope and motivation left for them to persist in pursuing their dreams.

My goal for this semester was to be selected as a poster presenter for one of the subject I'm taking this semester. To me, it will be one of the biggest accomplishment I would have achieved so far, aside from being selected as an AFS-er. And I made my move, planning every steps with hope that my topic will be chosen to be poster-presented at the Colloquium. However I was extremely scared of the thoughts that I held in my mind, because based on my past experiences (which happens most of the time), things always seem to go against my expectations, leaving me disappointed and devastated.

I was selected, much thanks to my tutor who helped me in every way to tackle this almost seem impossible topic to be completed due to the lacking number of established journals that was published. Upon knowing that I was selected with the other 16 students out of 120 students in the class, my goal moved one level higher- which is to win the poster presentation. 

Like the other 16 students, I did my best in decorating the whole thing. For the first time in my life I slept at 4.30 a.m., but it ain't fun staying up so late because I could definitely feel the toll it's taking on my body.

In the end, yeah you prolly could guess it. I did not emerge as the winner of the poster presentation. I wouldn't deny the feelings hit on me. Someone once told me the more you try to push away your negative feelings (e.g. sad), the more they will come and haunt you; the best way is to accept that you are feeling that way, and it will soon fade off. And it did, after counselled by one of my high-school friend who happened to WA me at the accurate timing.

Another lesson learnt, more improvements need to be done. It just happens that every individual is very subjective, and you can't be favoured by everyone, just like my topic. Even though it seems like the judge did not think my work was impressive enough, but I'm grateful to have my tutor who understand every bits behind the process of my assignment completion. Because it was the tutor who supervise and mark our proposals.

But no worries, I wouldn't be beaten by such failures. The more failures I've experienced, the more rooms of improvement I've discovered. You don't win all the time, and you don't lose all the time. All you need is the right tool, the right timing, and the right person who knows and appreciates your work. It seems almost impossible, but it will happen eventually. Patience.

10.4.2015

The feeling when you've dumped the last assignment for the semester into the submission box...That awesome feeling geddit?

Yes, I've completed the last assignment for the semester on Monday *popsconfettis* I would say that this would probably the one that strained much of our brain juice and our psychological well-being. Anyway, since I've dumped it into the box then the burden is cut into half by now. Not forgetting the upcoming finals next Saturday onward.

As for the update on my tutoring tho, two days later the parent contacted me again and requested me to continue teaching the kid. I did not agree nor disagree yet, I replied that I would be dropping by to clear off any misunderstanding and also doubts. And so, I went.

I'm not gonna mention too much of the details that we discussed due to the respect and the privacy I'll give to the parent and the child. But on my side, initially I agreed to teach for another two months more and also to alter my method of teaching. But after reaching home and a long talk with my mum, I've decided to stay back to my method and also to my values. As I am a psychology student, I am well aware that the traditional methods we used to grow up with back in those days where scolding and scaring is not a bit beneficial to the kid psychologically. And so, I left a message to the parent saying that I've decided to discontinue due to the differences in teaching method and values held. And that's it.

I guess this is a good end to it. And the moment I've sent the message I felt an immediate relieve, and now that I gained more flexibility in time back, I am able to pick up more classes to brush up my skills.

Okay let's not mention bout that anymore. On the other note, I'm so excited that I'm going on a trip when sem break starts oohhlalalala. 

I can pull through this, I know I can.

sorry for the less-cohesiveness in my writing in this post. I am errr, too tired.

March Updates

Well… It seems like it’s been quite some time since I last updated my blog.

Tomorrow it’s April Fool, first day of GST implementation, first day of another brand new month.. So many changes that are going to happen within hours.

Actually for the whole March I’ve been trying to adjust to my new timing, coz I started tutoring a 4 year old kid. My schedule has become even hectic than previous, but I tried my best to adapt to it. I tried my best tutoring, but one hour ago I just got to know that the parent decided to discontinue, through a third party tuition agent. The irony/

I was slightly shocked and disappointed to be honest, but I guess maybe it’s just the difference in perspective towards learning and disciplining the child. I am trying hard to not use the traditional method where rotans and restrictions were used in learning. I tried applying all the psychology concepts that I’ve learnt so far. To let the child try and do everything. But it seems like it wasn’t accepted… Oh well. I kinda sensed that something wasn’t very right by the facial expressions. I guess being able to detect facial expressions’ changes wasn’t something very good tho.

On the bright side though, I get to gain my flexibility in time back. Gained another working experience. Also, it’s time for me to prepare for my final exams in a few weeks time. Then after that I am so in need of a vacation during the break.

I gained valuable experience in dealing with kids. My patience level is up to a whole new level. And now it is time for me to pursue something that I really wanted to do with the free time now.

And as for why the parent decided to discontinue, I have no idea. The parent did not inform me personally, nor tell the tuition agent the reason why.  So I guess this is it

I might be updating new stuffs soon. Bout how I am coping with my life despite the high level of stress. Till then, Ciao tutti.

Confession 101

I've got this weird habit of mine, it occurs whenever I'm stressed.

I tend to clean my ears, also to clean my brother's, all to release my stress. Because the moment I see clean ear holes I feel satisfied. Or, another option would be to just pull out dandruff flakes from someone who has it. The moment I see clean scalp, I feel good.

And I've gone through a cleaning session with my brother's just now. So you know what state I am in currently...




Yeah, right. Stressed.

*slowly drags my body and mind back to assignments now*

Guitar Results

Getting to know that I've gotten the results that I've envisioned is literally like a dream come true.

Despite having to juggle between assignments, homework, other activities, getting a Merit for my Grade 5 Guitar examination is more than what I can wish for.

I am truly blessed, I thank myself for the hard work I poured in for the past one year preping myself for the guitar exam. I have no regrets, and I'm gonna perform much better in the future.

It's going to be tougher and tougher as I proceed to a higher grade, but I think with the aid of my mental strength and also my guitar teacher, we're gonna brace through all obstacles.


okay enough of crapping done, short update to start my February.
I need to sleep like, like seriously, now.'


signing off, dozing
Suetneeeee

19/1/15-24/1/15

Typed on 19/1/15, halted and continued on 23/1/15, posted on 24/1/15.

-19/1/15-

Howdy Ho everlibadi. I just came back from a virtual war. War between students and the internet connection, fighting for tutorial slots. Did not manage to get the slots that we wanted so had to revamp the whole plan. Hopefully everything goes well for this semester. *Fingers crossed*

It’s already week two of my semester and my mum already started commenting on me looking super-duper stressed out. Yeah I guess my mind’s playing around all the upcoming assignments and events. Next week will be one of the toughest week for me, for everyday my schedule is full full full full full. I might be extremely tired for the week, but I am happy coz this is what I've always wanted. To do the things that I want all one shot in a week.

This semester I was given the challenge to deal with interpersonal relationship problems, and then I realized how bad am I as a person in creating topics to talk to strangers. Coz I’m the type of person who warms up slowly in the process of getting to know people. Through this I’ve extended my own limits and boundaries, the outcomes wasn’t exactly what I was expecting from this challenge, but I’m glad I stated my own stand and I have no regrets for doing so.

-23/1/15-

Upon the confrontation session due to the challenge, I came to realize that some people are just not meant to stay long in your life. Some came in just to teach you a lesson, some to plague your life and some to…. I don’t know. Make your life a better one? Before this, I tend to use avoidance in dealing with problems all the time, because I don’t want to deal with all the emotional and psychological stuffs that tag along with the problem. I avoid confrontations, coz I am scared of what I might hear or get from it. But from this incident onwards, I am not going to hide in my shell anymore. If there’s a need for me to voice out, I will do so. I do realize the consequences of all my actions, and I have prepared myself mentally and psychologically enough for that. 

So that's all from me this week so far, I might be able to cover another post about my first ever MB concert *heavy breathing*, I'mmmmmmmm overly excited atm. Just 3 days away and I'll be able to meet my dream man.

Signing off with my name and a picquote I saw on FB, which I like it a lot,

Suetneeeee

Feelings-Vent-Out

-No class today so being an otaku for the day.-

Just a vent-out-my-current-feelings post.

At times I find myself really clingy to my friends. And sometimes, I hate myself for being so. Coz it feels like I am not being independent enough to do things myself. However what is even contradicting is that sometimes I feel like I can do all the things alone, it’s okay if I don’t have any friends with me.

What is wrong with me? I have no idea.

And I realized that I’ve put too much of my expectations on others. And I get myself disappointment each time for doing so. I expect the same return of effort in making friends. I know it’s impossible, I know it’s wrong to do so. But I can’t help myself. I’ve been trying to brainwash myself that “no one belongs to you”. They have their freedom and rights to choose whoever they want to be with, hang out with. I’m working hard on that. I am.

There are times when I feel like doing all the things solo, because I don’t have to conform to others nor to suit others. I feel good when I’m shopping alone, watching movie alone, driving alone. But the thing is, if this condition persists, I might end up being a loner. A complete old loner when I’m 80 years old. 

On the other side, sometimes I feel like I’m very insecure in an environment without anyone I know. In situation like this, I start to hang on to people whom I know. I wanted to approach them badly, make friends with them, and be close with them. The problem is, I do not know how to start. If I change myself, it wouldn’t be me anymore. It’ll be me imitating those who hook up fast with people. And I know I will feel tired of trying to be so.

If I remain the genuine me, I wouldn’t have much of a social life, lesser friends, but I feel true to my heart, even at times I might feel lonely. But if I make changes, I would gain social life, more friends, but a tired heart. So, which now?

I have no idea. I think I’m in the midst of feeling helplessness.

New Year

I was supposed to finished my birthday post and published it last year, which seems a very long time ago, but in fact not (just a few days ago). But clearly due to endless level of procrastination and enjoying my sem break like a baws, I couldn’t deliver it before New Year started…. So yeah Happy New Year from me lololol

Uni’s starting next week and I’ve got my feelings all mixed up. One part of me wants to go back and study because I don’t have to rot in the house doing nothing besides house chores, my guitar, and also books; another part of me fears of what is coming in the new sem with new subjects. With all the deadlines and assignments which require much of my brain juice and critical thinking, the horror horrifies me a lot. I know, I’m making my life so much more complicated than it seems to be. It’s actually very simple, overthinking kills. Guess I’ll need to make my remaining holidays to the best and enjoy to the max before new stress levels hit on. And also enjoy the company of my brother before he starts school as well :’(

New Year hmmm, not much of a new resolution from me. I’ll just be real to myself and also make sure that I constantly improve myself compared to the previous me. And of course having to make sure things that I’ve planned come into real action so that I’m one step closer to my goal.

To be honest I don’t feel any different or any special about new year. My mum said I’m getting very old, older than her. It’s another normal day to me so…. Sometimes I do worry about what is going on with my thinking. I call it the Ah-Ma-Thinking-Syndrome, where the thinking is no longer the same as people same age around you, but to the extent of those old uncles and aunties. You find things that people the same age do around you boring and a waste of time, but of course, not all the time.

I’m not sure what is really going wrong/right bout me. I’m still in the midst of understanding this as well, using all kind of possible analyses, probably one of the acceptable explanation is

I’m really getting old. lol

Anyway still a Happy New Year from me! 

Thought-Of-The-Day

Yes, I am finally on my sembreak officially!

And yes, I just came back from a short getaway at Ipoh with my uni friends. I was pretty much exhausted, but it was a memorable one. With the good authentic local food in my tummy, I am more than delighted.

Today is gonna be another random opinion-expression session from me, it’s probably gonna be abit tad long. Sorry if I bore you readers :O

Recently I’ve been reading this one motivational book from a Taiwan author. He’s a pretty good author I would say, because of his way of expressing and writing its really short, simple and straight to the point.

And upon reading one of the chapters in this book I borrowed from the National Library, I had to agree with one of the main points he was trying to address to people out there nowadays.

People are too used to say these two things

I have no time to do it

I don’t know how to do it

These two phrases pretty much annoy me at times. It sounds like as though you are finding excuses to not do something that you’re supposed to do, or you are trying to be ignorant and not taking the initiative to seek answers on your own.

Let’s start with the first phrase up there

I have no time to do it

I have always believed in good time management, like you are the master of your whole life, your routine, and your time. If you really want to do something, you will always squeeze some time even though you are really busy to do it. For example, you feel hungry in the midst of doing something, so no matter how busy you are, you will still manage to get some crackers or something to fill your tummy for the time being. This particular phrase, to me is a phrase that you should avoid saying for the rest of your life. I’m not sure about others, but to me, if someone said this to me, I’ll give them major eye rolls (virtual way lol). It’s either you have really bad time management, or you are just trying to brush things off to avoid having to bear the responsibility. If I can find time to do it, why can’t you do the same? It’s your attitude whether you really want to do it or not.

Moving on to the second phrase

I do not know how to do it

Now this is a bit tricky to explain because when someone approach me and tell me that they have no idea how to do it even though they’ve tried searching for solutions themselves, then it’s no biggies to me. I am more than willing to help out because these people took initiative to seek for solutions; they have put in effort to do something. It’s just that maybe they are abit off track in looking for answers, but still their effort is demonstrated. However what I am trying to say here is those who did not even bother to try and just tell you that “I dunno how to do”. I have major big eye rolls towards this all the time.

Yes there is something called Google, and I have always Google stuffs to search for things I wanna know. For example how to take the public transport from A to B, or how to cook something and etc. You can really get all the answers you want from Google used wisely, not that I am trying to promote Google or whatsoever, what I am trying to say is that, telling someone that you do not know how to do something is pretty much ridiculous. Because the answers are all out there, it’s just you left and whether you wanna be proactive and look out for them, or you sit back there relaxed and wait for others to spoon feed you by just telling them “I don’t know how to do it”. However there are still answers that couldn’t be retrieved via Google, and that is totally fine. On occasions like Lit Review I really couldn’t get the answers that I really wanted even though I’ve tried Googling countless times so…….

The two phrases might sound extremely familiar to you, you might say it yourself, or you might find people around you saying these. I do realize I say the second phrase at times where I am extremely lost on something, and it’s something you need to start reflecting and refrain yourself from saying so in the future for the reasons:

1. You find excuses for yourself to not do something so you feel good about it, but in fact it is not helping you to grow anywhere sense.

2. It’s really demotivating for you yourself and others upon hearing that. It is not going to take you anywhere but going backwards of your life. You keep telling yourself that you can’t do it, and so you stopped trying to look for solutions, which further leads to you really can’t accomplish it. Which is also a term called self-fulfulling prophecy. You are convinced that you are trapped because you set up boundaries for yourself which is unbreakable unless you wreck it down yourself with the correct actions and thoughts.

And as for others, you will be affecting other’s spirit of doing things when you are in a team because you demonstrated no effort in doing things. And this is highly poisonous to the whole team because people influence each others easily without even noticing.

There goes my thought of the day. And I realize I should get practicing my guitar now. Guitar exam is really near now. GTG

Signing off,

suetneeeee