13.7.15

Howdy, I just realized that my last blog post was from last semester ago, in April. And now it's July>? 

Alright so back to my recent updates, it has been an extremely hectic short semester. Imagine all the things you learn in 14 weeks are now squashed into 7 weeks. Yet the assignment loads and the study materials remain the same. I survived another semester in HELP, and there goes my first year as a Psychology student.

Lots of things happened unexpectedly for me as well this semester. E.g: Losing my phone the first day of semester, slipped at the parking lot at MV the same day, got my car scratched by other car... But I'm glad that's all over now. Undoubtedly all those incidents left some impact on me, but I'm trying hard to overcome them now.

I'm generally a very ambitious person, and I set my own standards extremely high. When I don't seem to achieve what I've set, I feel sad and disappointed with myself. Thinking I didn't do well enough. Thinking on the various ways I could have possibly done in the future to ensure that I really achieve them. Well, it seems like the more you expect, the greater the disappointment. But what's left in one when they stop expecting? There's no more hope and motivation left for them to persist in pursuing their dreams.

My goal for this semester was to be selected as a poster presenter for one of the subject I'm taking this semester. To me, it will be one of the biggest accomplishment I would have achieved so far, aside from being selected as an AFS-er. And I made my move, planning every steps with hope that my topic will be chosen to be poster-presented at the Colloquium. However I was extremely scared of the thoughts that I held in my mind, because based on my past experiences (which happens most of the time), things always seem to go against my expectations, leaving me disappointed and devastated.

I was selected, much thanks to my tutor who helped me in every way to tackle this almost seem impossible topic to be completed due to the lacking number of established journals that was published. Upon knowing that I was selected with the other 16 students out of 120 students in the class, my goal moved one level higher- which is to win the poster presentation. 

Like the other 16 students, I did my best in decorating the whole thing. For the first time in my life I slept at 4.30 a.m., but it ain't fun staying up so late because I could definitely feel the toll it's taking on my body.

In the end, yeah you prolly could guess it. I did not emerge as the winner of the poster presentation. I wouldn't deny the feelings hit on me. Someone once told me the more you try to push away your negative feelings (e.g. sad), the more they will come and haunt you; the best way is to accept that you are feeling that way, and it will soon fade off. And it did, after counselled by one of my high-school friend who happened to WA me at the accurate timing.

Another lesson learnt, more improvements need to be done. It just happens that every individual is very subjective, and you can't be favoured by everyone, just like my topic. Even though it seems like the judge did not think my work was impressive enough, but I'm grateful to have my tutor who understand every bits behind the process of my assignment completion. Because it was the tutor who supervise and mark our proposals.

But no worries, I wouldn't be beaten by such failures. The more failures I've experienced, the more rooms of improvement I've discovered. You don't win all the time, and you don't lose all the time. All you need is the right tool, the right timing, and the right person who knows and appreciates your work. It seems almost impossible, but it will happen eventually. Patience.